Hi everyone.
When I started this blog, I never anticipated much of an audience. This is why I know it won't be a big deal to make this blog "friends only" if you will.
What you all might know, is I work with SoGoPro, and a new non-profit organization Concert for Hope.
What you don't know, is I've also just started an exciting new journey that will secure me a spot in the world of tv/film/music and it all happened in 4 weeks.
I can't tell you the company. I can't tell you who the people are. I can tell you I'm on a couple projects that require me to work under an A&R rep, and scout for talent... I can tell you I'll be working side by side with people who are writing, filming, and recording... I'll be involved in placing music to film, licensing it, writing contracts, seeing how publishers really make their money.. etc. I'll be involved in projects that are already scripted, backed by someone with financial genius, and to top it all off, one of my better friends from the UML Music Biz dept. is right there with me...
If you know me, you know all I've ever wanted was to have these opportunities at hand. I have an incredible mentor who also happens to be my Publishing/Copyright professor. I scored a 93 on his first, difficult quiz- and he decided I was a good fit for certain work. One of his biggest goals is to mold my friend and I into strong professionals, to make us perfect fits for this chaotic industry.. to craft our negotiation skills, writing skills, to train our legal minds, and to wrap our heads around the insanity that this biz entails.
I can tell you I didn't run away with WB or some massive company like that- but I did join forces with a company that is starting some really incredible stuff that just might take off one day. Excited to feel like I'm finally hands on somewhere- doing something entirely relevant to the last 21 years Ive spent working my ass off. No stupid box office, no tickets, no farm animals... Music, film and creation.
The future looks bright, I need to kick some ass!
<3
-Drew Barrymore
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday, September 10, 2010
Here I am, for my last year in Lowell
I blinked and I became a Senior at Umass Lowell. They always said college would go by fast and it sure did. I've only been here for a week or so- and already I feel like I never left. I suppose I also feel completely outside of myself. The way I left Lowell is not how it is upon my return.
Both of my best friends are no longer at this school. I do have a people left but it's different. I don't have the same kind of "support system" I suppose. I walk down the hall on the way to Andrew's room only to remember halfway there that he isn't on campus. He's in Chicago.
That's life though right? Friends move away, they change, and there's no way of knowing if things will ever be the same again. I'm terrible with change.
As excited as I am to be back here, I'm also completely stressed out. I have not starting things off the way I wanted to. To be honest, I didn't have a lot of real "Summertime" to relax and freshen up before coming back. A lot of tough stuff went down over the past few months and I'm trying to deal with it but I'm not sure it's going so well.
I feel overwhelmed and freaked out. There are a lot of expectations that come with being a Senior. I was placed in Wind Ensemble this year- for the first time. It's a fantastic group, technically the best in the department. I expected Concert Band again- but I suppose I've grown into a soloist as they've put me on the Oboe 1 part. One piece we're doing is Holst's "Jupiter"... I have a few solos there. Now, I've never been a soloist in a college ensemble before. I truly was comfortable hiding in the flute section- this is going to be a challenge.
Though being put in Wind Ensemble screwed up my work schedule at the Lowell Memorial Auditorium, it turns out I'll be able to keep the job in the box office. I'll be working Friday and Saturday afternoons, and will work most if not all event nights. That's fine. I'll do whatever I need to in order to make ends meet.
I feel bad I have been terrible with the SoGo Obligations I've created. The interviews, the team awards, the article series- it's not even that it's a lot of work for me. I just don't ever have time to sit down at the computer like I used to. Or, to rephrase that- I haven't had the time. Now that I'm back at school I'm certain things will pick up where they left off- but I'm really not the kind of person who's comfortable making commitments/setting up routines etc. etc. only to watch them fall apart and leave folks hanging. Though as far as the Article Series goes, I've yet to receive some articles that I believe are crucial to the August issue... so it's hard to want to proceed without them.
Anyways, things are going to turn around. I just felt like posting since I have 20 minutes left before jumping into the weekend. Lots to say but will be back to write.
Both of my best friends are no longer at this school. I do have a people left but it's different. I don't have the same kind of "support system" I suppose. I walk down the hall on the way to Andrew's room only to remember halfway there that he isn't on campus. He's in Chicago.
That's life though right? Friends move away, they change, and there's no way of knowing if things will ever be the same again. I'm terrible with change.
As excited as I am to be back here, I'm also completely stressed out. I have not starting things off the way I wanted to. To be honest, I didn't have a lot of real "Summertime" to relax and freshen up before coming back. A lot of tough stuff went down over the past few months and I'm trying to deal with it but I'm not sure it's going so well.
I feel overwhelmed and freaked out. There are a lot of expectations that come with being a Senior. I was placed in Wind Ensemble this year- for the first time. It's a fantastic group, technically the best in the department. I expected Concert Band again- but I suppose I've grown into a soloist as they've put me on the Oboe 1 part. One piece we're doing is Holst's "Jupiter"... I have a few solos there. Now, I've never been a soloist in a college ensemble before. I truly was comfortable hiding in the flute section- this is going to be a challenge.
Though being put in Wind Ensemble screwed up my work schedule at the Lowell Memorial Auditorium, it turns out I'll be able to keep the job in the box office. I'll be working Friday and Saturday afternoons, and will work most if not all event nights. That's fine. I'll do whatever I need to in order to make ends meet.
I feel bad I have been terrible with the SoGo Obligations I've created. The interviews, the team awards, the article series- it's not even that it's a lot of work for me. I just don't ever have time to sit down at the computer like I used to. Or, to rephrase that- I haven't had the time. Now that I'm back at school I'm certain things will pick up where they left off- but I'm really not the kind of person who's comfortable making commitments/setting up routines etc. etc. only to watch them fall apart and leave folks hanging. Though as far as the Article Series goes, I've yet to receive some articles that I believe are crucial to the August issue... so it's hard to want to proceed without them.
Anyways, things are going to turn around. I just felt like posting since I have 20 minutes left before jumping into the weekend. Lots to say but will be back to write.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Times of Change
The last few days, I have walked by my uncharged laptop more times than I can count. Usually before and after work I am glued to it.
I've also been quite the tired, emotional individual.
My beautiful baby squirrel died the other day. Peanut, only about 3 months old passed away in his sleep. My family found him in the yard, he was chasing my mother around- desperate for food. We took him in, fed him the proper formula, as he was just a little tiny baby. He took to my mother right away, fell asleep in her lap, and refused to be separated from her. Peanut adopted us, decided we were going to be his family within the first day.
My mom had a fanny pack on frequently in the early days, and carried Peanut around as he slept, wrapped in a towel. It's hard to describe, but the way his face poked out of that fanny pack in his slumber- my heart melted.
He was perfectly healthy. He lived in a large dove cage that sat on 4 legs in our living room. Inside the cage he had a large tree limb, that led up to an elevated bird house I painted for him. He had food and water along the floor of the cage. Plenty of room to jump, climb and hang upside down- which he did with incredible frequency. He was very loving and trusting. It got to the point where we could stick our hands in the cage and he'd climb up the limb just to jump in our palm. He would then hang off your hand and roll onto the towel he had, encouraging us to tickle/scratch his stomach. In just a few weeks my entire family was wrapped around this little life- spending every spare moment playing with the squirrel. My mom loved to take him out, wrap him in a small towel and pet him as we watched tv. Peanut would just stretch out and take all the attention. He wouldn't run crazy- he lounged.
We paid careful attention to his diet, saw that he was active and normal- and were inevitably stunned and heartbroken to discover him dead.
I found him. Every morning before I'd go to work I would play with him. He was adorable. This particular morning he hadn't woken up yet and my mom and grandfather were surprised but figured he was sleeping in. Wrong. Some time in the night he went.
His expression was calm, he clearly wasn't struggling or pained... But we're mystified. We waited a month before naming him because we weren't sure if he would be okay. By this point we never expected him to leave us.
I expect his mommy knew he was ill at birth and abandoned him right away. If that is the case, it makes the whole situation a bit more heartbreaking for me. I'm so glad he found us, and I'm so glad that we loved him. Since the death of my dog, Sky, I have been crossing my fingers for my dear Millie (my 17 year old Black indoor cat/my best friend hah) to stay a long time... And have been terrified at the feeling of loss. Loving Peanut came really easy- and words cannot express the sadness. I expected to have that baby a long long time, and he left so quickly. I know he felt loved and taken care of- what life he did have, he spent it in a place where he was completely adored.
I just miss him.
Amazing what a difference an animal can make.
You should see my back yard these days. I have taken the liberty of asking local donut shops to give me their extra food at the end of each day. Instead of them throwing it out, Dalby Farm will take it because every morning, afternoon and evening I have an entire crew, different shifts if you will, of different furry creatures.
In the morning- Squirrels (Gray and Red), have had up to 9 in one time so far. One of them, who we call Lou- is the cutest. He doesn't walk he crawls, and is a little fatty! We have Chipmunks (seen up to 5 ), tons of birds (Gracklings, one Raven, Cardinals, Blue Jay, Sparrows etc) eat the muffin, bagel and donut bits plus some granola and bird seed. Not to mention my Peacock, Gypsy- the wild bird who spends the whole day roaming around our yard- takes his share of the breakfast. From time to time, a Rat shows up too.. Weird! A couple deers every now and then as well. No possums or skunks yet!
By evening, we have a couple foxes and so far 4 Raccoons come by for their snack. The Raccoons are SO CUTE. They roll their food with their hands and are adorable doing it. There was a Fischer Cat the other night, but we think the 4 raccoons actually managed to get rid of it (not kill, but scare off)
Anyways, after losing Peanut, I've been bonding with the animals that live in my yard. I'm happy to feed them- they don't harm anyone or anything- I am comforted in it. I helped Peanut, I can help more! I watch them every day in my screen porched. Millie, the ol cat- is loving the animals. It keeps her feeling young, I'm sure.
Also on a hunt for a baby guinea pig. I need another baby friend!
Okay. That's me. Not really on target with anything I originally wanted this blog to be for- but I suppose I can break away from time to time. Peanut was worth it :)
LOVE the Animals! This is their planet tooooo!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wow! (this is long....!!!)
Isn't it funny when you realize someone who has been all around you for years, could be the very piece of your dream that was missing.
Okay. I'm going into a semi-personal rant here mainly because the person I just came to see in a completely different, refreshing light, is my boyfriend. It is still relevant, however, because he has now acquired a huge, incredibly large task in my big picture.
I have always been a lover of CHARACTERS and their development internally as they struggle with any conflict, every conflict- daily life. I feel characters pain- I empathize with them- and they are but creations, fantasy beings. I can rewatch the same movie several times in a sitting- (usually as I get ready to fall asleep) and just study the growth (if any) in each character I "meet". I never truly understood this about myself, until I realized it could be a great use in story telling. I am usually (mind you, I'm not "bragging" here when I say this) NEVER wrong about someone. My instincts just tell me things upon the first moment I meet them. Body language, expressions, phrases, perspective on any number of subjects- etc. I can usually tell when I'll like or dislike someone right away. It's always been this way and although I hate it at times, I find it now to be very important.
I am not a writer, but I feel, grow and change emotionally as I meet new, fictional identities- real people too. Whether they be in books, TV dramas, short/full length films- or a stranger outside my dorm smoking a cigarette talking to me... I'm attentive to who they are and even who they'll be.
My boyfriend just graduated from College, with a degree in Philosophy. Though he wants to eventually work as a lawyer (he's currently a paralegal at a small firm) he always has been very literary and in love with writing. He's read hundreds of books and takes writing/philosophy to be his number one passion. (Second would have to be music, then films..)
Recently I've been expressing to my boyfriend that my eyes are lenses for a camera. I drive around Scituate and I see scenes, places to shoot dramatic, tragic, life-changing moments. I imagine conflicts of imagined people... I hear beautiful music, I see beautiful moments form before my eyes. But I can't write, nor can I really draw. Accuracy and detail are my problems when it comes to telling stories or painting a tree. I struggle with the issues of translating vision and emotion into words on a paper. It's always been a problem, which is why say in my music making I always improv the lyrics rather than sit down and plan them out. I felt the best way to capture emotion is to, unprepare. I figured that when I had enough money for a decent camera, I would be able to tell my story immediately.
The problem there? I was sent into a period of discouragement. I began to grow tired of the waiting room I was in because of school. I love College, and I'll be sad to see it end, but there is so much that is unnecessary.
In times of stress (which were becoming quite frequent this past semester) I just wanted to be in a world where grades didn't matter, and where I was making more money so I could buy the equipment I need to turn all the thoughts into projects.
It was the moment I said, "I just can't write anything down without ruining it" when Colin's writing ability and familiarity with all kinds of styles in story development- etc. popped into mind. I asked him immediately if he'd be willing to help me write, structure and help me develop stories for film.
We started last night in the car, and worked more today. We already have a decent short film worked out. Character development, a beginning middle and end to the story, several twists and discoveries- and the themes worked out. Our short film will be around 10 to 15 minutes long, 8-9 scenes, with 4 leads (technically 3 but yeah...) and it will be shot in Lowell, MA. Colin has mapped out everything, listening to what I see and helping me sort it out. I'm already proud of it. We know where it will be shot, who we'll cast (more or less), my best friend(a Massachusetts All-State Composition Winner by the way!) at school will be composing an original score- We're very excited.
This will take a long time to see finish. But to have an idea, and see it forming on paper in such a way, to know that my head is a little clearer- and ready to invite even more new ideas. Its incredible. My boyfriend of almost 3 years, was all I needed. A barrier has been removed and I think my mind is really ready to commit, and create. The next barrier will include discovering ways of a) affording the equipment I'd need b)finding time to perfect editing/filming c) actually doing any/all of this!
I believe in independent works. I don't believe I need a massive film company to back this idea, just hardworking and passionate people (who are both far and few between, as well as sometimes what makes the difference between something succeeding or failing).
I have many resources at my disposal right now that are free and it would be a shame to waste them this coming year in Lowell when it's the PERFECT place for the story. I have talented friends and a beautiful, loving man who will help me with the all of the writing elements, I know several friends interested in the production aspects of film... And boy, I want all the experience I can get. Everything from dealing with people, relying on people, and working together to make the vision clear to an audience- I need to experience and deal with. I want to know what I can do with ease, and and with difficulty . I want to pinpoint my weaknesses and turn them into strengths, lessons... Since I can't leave school for another year, I need to start USING school for more than just the degree. I need to create, focus, and achieve- need to obtain the skills I need for MY dream. I need to concentrate on my surroundings, use what I have while I have it, and make it count.
I'm still not clear on what my goal is, but I know I want to create. I must.
More later!
-K
Okay. I'm going into a semi-personal rant here mainly because the person I just came to see in a completely different, refreshing light, is my boyfriend. It is still relevant, however, because he has now acquired a huge, incredibly large task in my big picture.
I have always been a lover of CHARACTERS and their development internally as they struggle with any conflict, every conflict- daily life. I feel characters pain- I empathize with them- and they are but creations, fantasy beings. I can rewatch the same movie several times in a sitting- (usually as I get ready to fall asleep) and just study the growth (if any) in each character I "meet". I never truly understood this about myself, until I realized it could be a great use in story telling. I am usually (mind you, I'm not "bragging" here when I say this) NEVER wrong about someone. My instincts just tell me things upon the first moment I meet them. Body language, expressions, phrases, perspective on any number of subjects- etc. I can usually tell when I'll like or dislike someone right away. It's always been this way and although I hate it at times, I find it now to be very important.
I am not a writer, but I feel, grow and change emotionally as I meet new, fictional identities- real people too. Whether they be in books, TV dramas, short/full length films- or a stranger outside my dorm smoking a cigarette talking to me... I'm attentive to who they are and even who they'll be.
My boyfriend just graduated from College, with a degree in Philosophy. Though he wants to eventually work as a lawyer (he's currently a paralegal at a small firm) he always has been very literary and in love with writing. He's read hundreds of books and takes writing/philosophy to be his number one passion. (Second would have to be music, then films..)
Recently I've been expressing to my boyfriend that my eyes are lenses for a camera. I drive around Scituate and I see scenes, places to shoot dramatic, tragic, life-changing moments. I imagine conflicts of imagined people... I hear beautiful music, I see beautiful moments form before my eyes. But I can't write, nor can I really draw. Accuracy and detail are my problems when it comes to telling stories or painting a tree. I struggle with the issues of translating vision and emotion into words on a paper. It's always been a problem, which is why say in my music making I always improv the lyrics rather than sit down and plan them out. I felt the best way to capture emotion is to, unprepare. I figured that when I had enough money for a decent camera, I would be able to tell my story immediately.
The problem there? I was sent into a period of discouragement. I began to grow tired of the waiting room I was in because of school. I love College, and I'll be sad to see it end, but there is so much that is unnecessary.
In times of stress (which were becoming quite frequent this past semester) I just wanted to be in a world where grades didn't matter, and where I was making more money so I could buy the equipment I need to turn all the thoughts into projects.
It was the moment I said, "I just can't write anything down without ruining it" when Colin's writing ability and familiarity with all kinds of styles in story development- etc. popped into mind. I asked him immediately if he'd be willing to help me write, structure and help me develop stories for film.
We started last night in the car, and worked more today. We already have a decent short film worked out. Character development, a beginning middle and end to the story, several twists and discoveries- and the themes worked out. Our short film will be around 10 to 15 minutes long, 8-9 scenes, with 4 leads (technically 3 but yeah...) and it will be shot in Lowell, MA. Colin has mapped out everything, listening to what I see and helping me sort it out. I'm already proud of it. We know where it will be shot, who we'll cast (more or less), my best friend(a Massachusetts All-State Composition Winner by the way!) at school will be composing an original score- We're very excited.
This will take a long time to see finish. But to have an idea, and see it forming on paper in such a way, to know that my head is a little clearer- and ready to invite even more new ideas. Its incredible. My boyfriend of almost 3 years, was all I needed. A barrier has been removed and I think my mind is really ready to commit, and create. The next barrier will include discovering ways of a) affording the equipment I'd need b)finding time to perfect editing/filming c) actually doing any/all of this!
I believe in independent works. I don't believe I need a massive film company to back this idea, just hardworking and passionate people (who are both far and few between, as well as sometimes what makes the difference between something succeeding or failing).
I have many resources at my disposal right now that are free and it would be a shame to waste them this coming year in Lowell when it's the PERFECT place for the story. I have talented friends and a beautiful, loving man who will help me with the all of the writing elements, I know several friends interested in the production aspects of film... And boy, I want all the experience I can get. Everything from dealing with people, relying on people, and working together to make the vision clear to an audience- I need to experience and deal with. I want to know what I can do with ease, and and with difficulty . I want to pinpoint my weaknesses and turn them into strengths, lessons... Since I can't leave school for another year, I need to start USING school for more than just the degree. I need to create, focus, and achieve- need to obtain the skills I need for MY dream. I need to concentrate on my surroundings, use what I have while I have it, and make it count.
I'm still not clear on what my goal is, but I know I want to create. I must.
More later!
-K
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
It it okay to be discouraged?
Oh my.
Most days I feel optimistic about my future- but for some reason, in this very moment- I feel like every dream I have will only amount to the punch line of a really bad joke some day.
I hate not knowing where anything is going. School is perfect. My future? My goals? My passion?
I have to wonder if there really is a point in hoping for a future that is NOT promised to you. I want to work to get there- I want to give my all, my best- my SOUL- into the life I imagine for myself-
But you know what? "You can't always get what you want"- and that really might apply to me.
Nobody knows.
Most days I feel optimistic about my future- but for some reason, in this very moment- I feel like every dream I have will only amount to the punch line of a really bad joke some day.
I hate not knowing where anything is going. School is perfect. My future? My goals? My passion?
I have to wonder if there really is a point in hoping for a future that is NOT promised to you. I want to work to get there- I want to give my all, my best- my SOUL- into the life I imagine for myself-
But you know what? "You can't always get what you want"- and that really might apply to me.
Nobody knows.
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